Pakiramdam ko may mga nawawalang bahagi sa katawan ko, yung mga parteng hindi ko maalala kung saan ko naiwan. Minsan binabagabag ako ng pakiramdam na hindi ko makita ang sarili kong buo, parating kulang at nangangailangan.
Minsan, nangangamba ako, na kapag sumugal ako at simulan kitang mahalin, mas malaking bahagi ng sarili ko ang mawawala.
She burned the bridge down,
How ashes bloomed in the air
And fluttered across the sky.
It was fire that consumed the wood
Into such blackness,
Into malice and distrust.
She forgot why she built what she’s destroying
And why she’s destroying what she built
For so long
Without the decency of goodbye
My friend, the escape artist;
My friend, what used to be—
Who she was, she denied.
Greedily the flames churn and swallow,
Indifferently she watched
Love dissipate in the heated air
The fond memories covered with soot.
Between us is a great emptiness
Which only things that were once there, could create.
Now, at the distance, she mouths words I cannot hear,
drowned out by the crashing sound
Of a bridge falling.
I know where it begins, that scar on your chest
I want to trace it with my fingers
I want to cut it open again
And sink my hand into it, deep and bloody
Culling out your insides
Just so I’d know
How much she has taken from you
How much of your heart is left for me.
It would be better, if I find nothing
Instead of a person
Occupying your flesh,
her touch, her kisses—
inside of you— her smell,
The way your arms wrap around her waist
—the memory of a warm body.
You’re full of her aren’t you?
Drunk with the thought of her, the beloved.
At the space in between heartbeats
Where will I be?
I will never admit that I long for you,
My pride will only allow me to demand the truth
And when I hear how much you love her,
It will fall on deaf ears,
For I do not know how to love yet,
But when I’ve come to know love,
I’ll know how much she means to you.
Then tell me again about this woman
The one you’ve loved for so long
For almost forever, immortalized in your soul,
How she has occupied your mind,
And possessed your heart.
Tell me again,
So I could leave,
So I could live.